OneShots
by The-Fabulous-Person
Summary: Mo-toon verse. Just a bunch of one-shots, either related to my story or not, most likely all between Beej and Lydia. Rating changed thanks to Beej's potty mouth.
1. First Kiss

**Beetlejuice and all related characters and whatnot belong to Tim Burton.**

**This is just going to be my collection of oneXones concerning Beetlejuice and Lydia, probably from a combination of both Movie and Cartoon verse. I know, I know I should be working on Decision, but I was bitch-slapped with a major case of writer's block, and I figure if I get a few oneXones out while I fine-tune the very last few chapters, it may help.**

* * *

She was out on a date. Again.

What social life did she really need outside of me anyways? I mean… if she wanted to go to the movies, I woulda taken her. But she had to go with some pimply-faced skeaze that probably didn't know up from down when it came to chicks.

No… wait! I mean, not that I would ever think of Lyds that way, but you gotta know that's probably what was on the hormonal little bastard's mind. But wasn't I more than enough? Why'd she feel the need for more guy friends?

I slouched against the mirror frame, the pinky on my left hand excavating its way through my ear canal when she _finally _came back. Instantly I was awake and alert, trademark leer in place.

"Hiya Babes." When she only sighed in response, even I knew something was wrong. "Wanna say those magic B-words kid?"

She stared at me thoughtfully for a moment, and then cast a longing glance at her heap of pillows. "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice."

Abandoning all my flashy tricks in favor of just 'popping' in and onto her mattress as she flopped down across it, I re-evaluated her expression.

Thoughtful, frustrated, and vaguely nauseous. "C'mon Babes. When I notice, it means somethin' really bad's usually up." Not exactly true.

I didn't know if Lyds had noticed, but I'd been _noticing _her a _lot _lately. She ain't exactly a kid anymore. She'd be seventeen in a few months, and damn had she grown into her potential. Tiny and thin to the point I was afraid she'd snap in half on one of our more dangerous adventures, but that face and that hair and those _CURVES!_

Snapping myself from less-than-just-friends fantasies and thoughts, I poked her side with one grimy red claw. "Tell me." I demanded in a teasingly demonic voice-over.

Lyds grimaced my way as she folded her hands behind her head. "Alex is a freaking moron, that's what."

I felt something boil deep in my gut, but I couldn't place what it was. "What'd he do?"

Then she got all weird. She shot up into a sitting position, and her face turned beat red as she glared down at her knee. "I… I kissed him. And not just… just a kiss…" She shot me a look that was somewhere between desperation, confusion, and disgust. "I mean… like kiss kissed him."

If I'd'a had a pulse and functioning lungs, both would'a stopped when I heard that. As it was, I was only frozen about a second before I cleared my throat and tried to act uninterested. Not an easy feat, I might add. "So uh… was the nerd any good?"

"No." She spat. "He shoved his tongue down my throat, made me gag, and then thought it would make it better if he invaded my shirt. By the time the bastard actually made me say 'ow', I was done." She let out a big sigh, which I was grateful for because I swear to god I think I just growled. "My first kiss. Totally ruined. That has to be one of the most horrid, embarrassing moments in my entire life Beej."

I didn't know what to do. I was glad she'd hated it, yeah, horrified she'd done it in the first place. I shouldn't'a felt these things, I know: she's still practically a kid, the little kid that used to look up to me and tag along on my pranks. The little kid I watched grow into a drop-dead gorgeous woman. And I always, _always _liked her more than a friend, which I know is wrong but I couldn't really help. It's only recently though that those more-than-friends feelings turned from BFF's or whatever to actual romantic feelings.

Having to hear about her first kiss going so friggin' wrong when it meant so much to her was practically torture.

And what was I supposed to say?

I reached out to awkwardly pat her shoulder. "Hey, s'just yer first kiss with this one joker. There'll be other guys ta have yer first kiss with Babes."

The smile that crossed her face brought one to my own, until we were both giggling at one another's goofy expression. "Thanks Beej. You're right. I just… wish my first first had been something I wouldn't look back on and not want to hide my face from the rest of the world because of."

I grimaced, actually felt the disappointment and sympathy rolling off me. "Was it really that horrid?"

"Yeah."

I shrugged, and pulled her into a one-armed hug while I gave her my best cocky leer. "Well Babes, ya'll just hafta find someone who can give ya a good first second."

Here head dropped onto my shoulder and one gloved arm snaked around my back, pulling me closer to her. "Thanks Beej. You're the greatest, you know?"

I couldn't help but grin even wider. "Well hell yeah. They don't call me the Ghost with the Most fer _nothin'!"_


	2. Can't Understand

Another one from Beej's point of view that was inspired by a pic I came across.

]]]]]

I never had any real friends. Jacques and Ginger could put up with me; or at least they could tolerate me better than the rest of the Neitherworld most of the time.

Lyds was different. I didn't understand it; I don't think I ever would. This child, this little freak of nature liked me: didn't just put up with me, actually liked me; my rank smell, my crude nature and all the rest. She looked up to me, confided in me, always wanted to hang around me; she thought I was the funniest guy around, alive or otherwise, and she was an important half in a majority of my schemes nowadays.

It was night, raining cats and dogs. We were on her bed, the comforter tented over our heads as the rain pounded against the glass. And as I lay on my side behind her, propping my head up with my hand as I listened, she sat with her legs tucked up beneath her and her back against my pillow of a gut as she read. She adjusted the flashlight so she could better see the next line, and continued in her best spooky voice, reciting Poe's 'The Raven' once again.

"_Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, and the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!', This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!', Merely this and nothing more-"_

I closed my eyes, smiling as she practically danced her way through the poem. The words fell so easily from her lips. Hell, she probably knew this poem by heart. It was, after all, considered one of Poe's greatest works, and the kid was a Poe _geek_.

She didn't even finish the thing though, before her head bobbed a few times and she slumped back against me, her check against my chest.

I tried not to laugh as I lifted my arm over her head to check the watches on my arm.

Yikes, two in the morning already? Well at least tomorrow was Sunday. She didn't have anything planned.

I grabbed her shoulders and lowered her to the mattress before untangling us from the comforter. Once that task was complete, I shifted her around until her head was on the pillows, and pulled the covers up to her chin. "Sleep tight Babes." I whispered.

Well… I'd be stuck here until morning before she could send me back, with nothing to do but watch her sleep.

Somehow, I didn't find that so bad anymore.


	3. BFFs And All That Sappy Shit

It was pure chance, really.

How the flyer even ended up in her attic when she was thinking of ways to torment Claire Brewster was beyond her. She'd been up here thousands of times, looking through every nook and cranny for spiders or long-forgotten treasures. She'd never seen the flyer before.

It really was pure chance.

She held the flyer in both hands as she crossed the attic floor crawled up on an ancient chest to sit as she read aloud:

_Beetlejuice_

_THE BIO-EXORCIST_

_Troubled by the living?_

_Is that the problem and not the solution?_

_Unhappy with eternity?_

_Having difficulty adjusting?_

_Call_

_BEETLEJUICE_

_BEETLEJUICE_

_BEETLEJUICE!_

It really was only chance.

He wasn't supposed to have a mirror. No Neitherworlder was. It was like, numero uno on the Powers That Be's no-no list.

Mirrors were windows to and from the Other Side.

Beetlejuice had never been one to follow rules though, and he was RFB: _really fucking bored._

He happened to pass over a mirror in some breather's attic when a voice on the other side called his name four times.

Hey, three was enough for sure.

He felt himself pulled through the mirror, and ended up in a sitting position about a foot above the desk of some vanity with bats as toppers on the dowels.

The girl snorted, crumpling up the paper and tossing it to the side. "What a weird flyer. Wonder why it's up here. Hmm… I wonder where I put those fake spiders-"

"I'd wager a guess on that chest o' drawers there Babes."

The little girl (god, why'd a kid have to call his name? Why not a hot, young exotic chick with a thing for dead old guys? This squirt was like, _maybe _four feet tall and like, six years old. So not cool.) squealed and jumped about a foot in the air as she spun to face him. He shot her a cocky leer, watching as her shocked little doe eyes took in the bug remains lodged in his crooked yellow teeth, his mass of matted, wiry blonde hair, and the mold around his face. He expected her to scream, to run, to beg for her life or at least cry.

What he _sooooo _did not expect was for her entire face to light up, a sparkle in her eyes as she crossed the floor and leant right up close to his face to examine his bone-white skin. "Woah! Deadly vu! Are you Beetlejuic-"

"Ah! Oo, oo, oo, oo, ah, ah, ah! Nobody says the 'B' word kid! And yeah, I am."

"Are you a ghost?"

Her expression was so excited, her voice so breathless he couldn't help but stare at her with a completely baffled expression. "I'm the Ghost with the Most Babes. Real dangerous like. Ain't ya scared?"

The little girl cocked her head to the side, frowning up at him. "Are you going to hurt me?"

The poltergeist frowned. "Well uh… no. Wasn't plannin' on it. Yer just a kid."

The kid frowned. "Hey, I'm no kid, I'm almost thirteen! That's almost a teenager!"

Beetlejuice let out a great hoot of laughter, fixing her with that strange grin again. "Whatever Babes. So what, why'd'ja call my name?"

The girl shrugged. "I was just reading the flyer. I found it in a hole in the floor. Hey! Do you have any cool powers?" She asked, leaning close to examine his face again.

The poltergeist lifted a hand, and put his grimy red-clawed pointer finger on her forehead, and gave her a little push backwards. "Yer in my bubble Babes." And with that, they were both encased in a giant white bubble.

"Oh deadly vu!" She reached out to touch the side of the bubble, and it popped beneath her hand. "That was amazing Beetle-… Beej!"

Beetlejuice's head tilted to the side as he fixed the girl with an odd grin. "You know what shorty? You're weird. Most kids, fuck, most normal people woulda run screamin' fer their mommies and a new change a pants by now, not givin' me a nickname." He told her. "What's wrong with you?"

She shrugged. "Well… I'm not what most people call normal. So are you like, haunting this house or something?" She asked.

Beetlejuice chuckled. "Nah. My crib's in the Neitherworld Babes. The place o' the dead not departed."

He didn't think she could get any more excited or brighter than she was, but she proved him wrong and did. "There's another whole _world _for dead people? Deadly vu! Oh Beetle- Beej! Could you take me to see it? Please?"

Beetle's eyes went huge as he stared down at her. "No. Why the hell should I do that?" Her entire face seemed to crumble, and for some reason that sent a sharp pang of guilt through his stomach. "Hey… hey don't do that Babes." He told her.

The girl sighed. "You didn't have to be mean about it Beej."

Beetle frowned. "Er… uh… hey, I wasn't meaning to be an asshole it's just… well uh… Breathers are delicate, right? And the Neitherworld is for dead people. And there ain't ever been a Breather in the Neitherworld, so uh… well it could be bad for ya. Ya don't wanna die, do ya?"

Beetle started counting the seconds, that's how long it took her to drag her eyes away from him shiftily and stare at the wall, unable to answer him straight. "… no…"

Beetle couldn't help the shocked expression that had his mouth popping open. "A suicidal six year old, that's new."

The kid turned to glare at him. "I'm almost thirteen I told you! And I'm not… not suicidal," The girl frowned down at her shoes as she scuffed her heal against the floor. "I just… don't fit in with living people very well. Kids aren't supposed to think about death and other 'morbid' things." Beetle watched her, shocked as her expression turned sad. "But it's _all _I think about."

"Heavy shit kid."

The girl grimaced up at him. "You say a lot of bad words Beej."

Beetle chuckled. "Silly kid. Alright, how's this, I gotta deal ta make with ya-"

The girl frowned. "A deal?"

"Yeah: I'll try ta stop swearin' so much, and help ya not be such a depressin' little thing, if ya do me a solid, and let me outta the Neitherworld whenever I want."

The girl frowned again. "You can't leave on your own?"

"Nope. Cursed name and all. It's a dead guy thing. So we gotta deal?"

Beetle watched the girl frown thoughtfully, crossing her arms and pursing her lips. "That almost sounds like… we'd be friends… sorta."

Beetle rolled his eyes a bit. "Uh… I ain't really the type o' guy ya want as a friend Babes."

The girl frowned. "I have a name Beej. Lydia. Lydia Deetz."

Beetle chuckled as he dropped to the ground and brushed off his striped suit before he held out his hand for her to shake. "Fine then, Lyds. You and me girl: BFFs and all that sappy shi-, er, stuff."

Lydia's eyes brightened again as she accepted his grimy, clawed hand and shook it eagerly. "You're a dork Beej."

]]]]

Not quite sure how I felt about this one, but I thought, as long as I was doing cartoon-verse stuff, I should explore their first meeting.


	4. I'm Alright

_**WARNING:**_ For those of you that plan to read my series, don't read this one-shot. It concerns happenings in the second book and how Babs feels about them.

]]]]

It really hurt.

The car crash? Hah, she'd take that pain a hundred times more.

It was nothing, _nothing _compared to the pain when she found out she just plain couldn't carry children. The crash was _nothing _compared to the pain of someone saying something stupid on accident, and then trying to take it back with a stammered apology.

But this… this was an odd kind of hurt.

Barbara Maitland loved Lydia, as though the girl was her own. She'd forgotten about having children as she and Lydia grew closer.

But then Delia was pregnant.

At first, Barbara was overjoyed. She had grown almost fond of Delia, and was so happy for her.

But when Adam followed her upstairs later that night, his hand touching her lower back, she felt the hurt, and the… almost _betrayed _feelings. So she cried, and Adam rocked her to sleep.

She was so exhausted, angry, depressed and hurt. But she never showed it. She looked at clothes and furniture with Delia, squealed over everything, and tried helping with the names.

But it still hurt.

For seven days that hurt raged inside her. And on that seventh day, Lydia called her.

And Barbara felt her hurt disappear, or maybe not disappear but run away and hide as Barbara cradled the Goth in her arms, listening to the horrific story of Betelgeuse's stupid past and curse, and how it was now messing with Lydia.

Three weeks pregnant. Lydia was so scared, so horrified, so desperate for help.

How could she be hurt by this? She would be selfish if this news only upset her more, when Lydia needed her help.

And she would help to raise these children…

"Barbara? Honey, you alright?" Adam asked, slipping his arms around her from behind.

A small smile pulled at her lips as she watched Betelgeuse and Lydia drive away in that ridiculous green car. "You know what Adam, I think I'm a little better than fine."

]]]

Aww Babs you sap.

Bleh, that was a little harder to write. They're soooooo goody-goody and despite being the main characters in the movie, their actual person isn't explored all that well.

So whatever. Obviously this has something to do with my story, so there you go.


	5. Drifting Away

Eucgh...

Birthdays. Sentiment.

Like... five or six years ago I never would have... you know. Cared about shit like birthdays.

Then _she_ came into the picture. Lydia. Lyds... My babes...

Er... uh... anyway.

Well you know chicks. Into all that celebration shit and happy-happy joy-joy stuff. And...

I don't even know what really happened. I just... started caring about that stuff too. Not about other people! Just... well just Lydia. Hell, we even celebrated the anniversary of our friendship every year! And... And... well I _enjoyed_ it!

I tended to always fuck things up though. I don't... exactly bring in 'clean' money. So I always wind up ruining the day Lydia has planned because I get us in trouble. Again. That usually winds up with me getting eaten by sandworms. Again.

This year... this year is going to be different. I have to make it different.

I don't want to lose Lydia...

It started... well actually about two years ago. Lydia started... growing up I guess. Going out on dates... with guys who weren't me. Kissing and hugging guys, who weren't me. She's still a virgin though, thank god. And I know, because I know Lydia would either tell me or Ginger the day after, and I know Ginger would tell Juno or someone, who would lock me up so I couldn't go slaughter the unworthy bastard who tainted _my_ girl.

Her classes got harder, her, Burp, and Prune made more friends, and Lydia and I... well it was like we were drifting apart. She'd go days before calling me back, a few times she even went a month or more. I thought she didn't want me to keep bothering her while she had so much on her plate, and so I, unwillingly, gave her space. I always knew she was too good for me, and that my time with her was probably limited.

But things went on like that so long, it took me until about a week ago to realize exactly how bad it was:

* * *

**[About a week ago]**

* * *

Lydia sighed, sliding down further into the couch cushion beside Ginger. Beetlejuice was out working on Doomie, and Jacques was training for another contest.

Ginger glanced sideways at Lydia, now no longer the little pre-teen that used to occupy that spot, the filthy poltergeist beside her, but a grown woman. And Ginger knew that she wasn't the only one at the Roadhouse who could see it. "Somethin' wrong hun?"

Lydia grimaced again, not catching the faint sound of the garage door opening and closing. "Well... my birthday is next week."

"I know!" Ginger squealed. "I'm so excited! Aren't you?" Ginger asked, suddenly serious again.

Lydia grimaced. "I guess. I just wish... Beetlejuice was."

Both of them missed the faint squeak of shoes on tile as someone in the hallway came to a halt, frozen on the spot as Ginger replied. "He isn't?"

Lydia shrugged. "Well... I mean he almost totally forgot our last anniversary. Last year he gave me my own shoes for my birthday... I... I just feel like..." Lydia frowned sadly. "He... he doesn't care anymore. I mean, I know he was... different before we met." Her sadness just intensified. "Maybe he doesn't... want to be friends anymore. Maybe he..." She closed her eyes and turned her head. "Outgrew me."

* * *

Yeah.

Outgrew her.

The kid just doesn't understand: How could I outgrow her?

So that's why this year I'm more determined than ever to show her that she's the most important thing to me. Just as important to me as ma and pops. This year I had to find a way to do that, to make her see how much I l-lllll-llluuuuh- care about her.

How the fuck I was going to actually do so was my problem. And I couldn't exactly ask people! They'd ruin it! She'd find out and then it wouldn't matter!

I'd gotten her jewels, brooches, capes, dresses, amulets, taken her on trips all around both worlds... But only because I knew she liked those kinds of things. All girls, even girls like Lydia, liked being treated like a princess. And... well it may not have just been gifts. I... I may have been... just showing off. Just a little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

But the thing about all those gifts is Lydia had told me she wanted those things.

And now... now we both thought we were drifting apart. I had to fix things.

I had to. I needed her. I wanted to be her best friend forever...

* * *

Lydia had to force herself to smile as she entered the roadhouse to the sounds of cheering from her friends and supernatural family. Even Ma and Pops Juice were here! And there was Vince... And... And Edgar Allen Poe too!

But...

No sign of a filthy striped jacket and a dirty blonde head.

For a whole hour, she talked with her friends, danced, ate, played Neitherworld games... And still no Beetlejuice.

"Come open your presents now Lydia!

Lydia turned to smile at Monster and trailed after him, her eyes growing wide at the sight of the pile of presents on the table. Her face softened and she smiled around at all her friends. In the real world, the only friends she had that would do something like this for her were Bertha and Prudence.

She sat down and pulled the first present into her lap, gasping with delight when she unwrapped a brand-new poncho. The material was lighter, but sturdier than her old poncho, and she could almost feel the Neithermagic rolling off it. There was a beautiful scarf that Bee Geuse had knitted by hand with tiny fuzzy spiders in the knots. Gnat had given her a pair of leather gloves with runes stitched in the wrist straps.

Juno and Vince had brought books on magic and Neitherworld secrets. Ginger and Jacques had made her a pair of earrings that would protect her from evil spirits. The Monsters had brought a brand-new camera that literally did as it's holder asked: it read their thoughts and took the snap shot to the holder's ideal. Poe brought a compilation of all his greatest works, with a handsome raven feather quill with ornate silver ink well. There was even a long, blank section in the back (the tome was quite large) for Lydia to practice her own poetry.

They were all such wonderful... thoughtful gifts. Lydia felt her heart become warm, and all the stress of school and Breather-world life melt away... But something was missing...

Still no Beetlejuice.

It wasn't until everyone was seated around the elongated dining table did the poltergeist appear.

The second he entered the room, everyone fell silent, glancing first at Beetlejuice, and then Lydia. Lydia kept her eyes on her plate as Beetlejuice moved around the table.

The room was silent, no one even dared to look up from their plates or even chew as Beetlejuice round the table and came to a halt beside her.

Lydia sighed and turned her head to smile up at the poltergeist. "Where've you been, Beej?" His eyes were wide and frustrated, and he seemed even more disheveled than normal. But his suit...

He was wearing a clean suit.

Before Lydia could comment on this, he'd grabbed her wrist and hauled her into the air, away from the table.

The poltergeist took a deep unneeded breath, obviously trying to tune out everyone else. "I'm sorry I'm late." He finally said. He glared down at Lydia, chewing on his lip. "I... I wanted to get you something really great this year." He mumbled. For another long moment, they just stood there staring at one another until Beetlejuice's hand shot to his pocket and extracted something. He grabbed Lydia's wrist and pressed the small item into her palm before stepping back and shoving his hands into his pockets.

Lydia frowned at the ghost as he turned his head away, glaring at the ceiling as a pale lavender blush crept onto his dead cheeks. The goth bit her lip, and lowered her gaze to the tiny newspaper-wrapped package in her hand. It was about the size of a bouncy ball, but not as heavy. With nervous fingers, she lifted the tiny gift and undid the single piece of tape.

Wrapped up inside four or five layers of newspaper was one of those little plastic capsules from those 25-cent machines.

Feeling her heart sink, she sighed and popped the red plastic cap, and pulled out the prize.

It was a tiny gold-painted plastic necklace. It was one of those half-circles with a jagged edge. It had two lines and an F on it. Confused, she looked up once more. Beej?

The poltergeist sighed and grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled it down.

Resting against his pale, moldy chest just beneath his collar was a matching necklace with a B and a vertical line. He reached out and grabbed her hand again, pulling her closer to him and putting the two halves of the circle together.

Lydia stared with disbelief at the red lettering stretching across the circle: BFF. Best Friends Forever...

Beetlejuice coughed when she didn't say anything. "It's... well I mean it's really cheesey but... I... I didn't know what else I could get. I mean... I know ya been busy lately, and we ain't been hangin' out like we used to. But... Yer still my best friend Babes. He finally looked her right in the eye and gave her a pained sort of smile. "You always will b-oooof!"

Lydia had thrown herself onto Beetlejuice, nearly choking him with her death grip around his neck as she buried her face into his jacket. "Oh Beej!" She pulled back and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him down to kiss both his cheeks. "This is..." She kissed his cheek again before wrapping her arms around his middle. "Thank you Beej, this is the best present you've ever given me."

Beetlejuice smiled down at the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her, crushing the small goth against his chest. "So we're still best friends?"

Lydia chuckled. "Forever and always bug-breath."

_**"Awwwww!"**_

Beetlejuice's face morphed into a hard glare as he whipped around to face all their friends, now grinning almost smugly at him. Still holding onto Lydia as she chuckled into his jacket he pointed an accusatory finger at them. "What are you all doing in my side of the house?"

* * *

**That last line was just a random reference to my Apocalypse series, how he's always asking Ginger and Jacques why they're in his side of the house.**

**Anyway, I know, I know, I have two others stories to do but this bit me in the butt like my stories tend to do, and demanded to be written. It didn't come out quite hoe I planned, but I guess I still like it.**


	6. There's no way I can eat those

**Alright, I know, I know. I got shit to do. Well, I got a lot of shit to do, and since I couldn't draw any decent Valentine's picture like I promised, I turned one picture idea into an actual fanfic. I hope you guys enjoy. And for those of my followers from the Apocalypse Series that don't know, and at all care, I posted two Apocalypse-inspired pics up on deviantArt, one of which was for the series' one year anniversary. Which was yesterday, btw.**

**Yep, three hundred and sixty-six days ago, I started a fic that was way more popular and a way bigger project than I ever thought it would be.**

**Anyways, enough of my ramblings. On with the shameless Valentine's Day fluff.**

**This takes place about five years after the end of the series, so about three years before the epilogue, while Lydia is pregnant with Afid.**

**

* * *

**

She was not in the best of moods. She couldn't recall ever having such mood swings when she was pregnant with Spieder and Krickette, but the figurative storm clouds raging over her head right now would probably shock even Prince Vince. She skulked down the hall, sipping her hot tea whenever she paused in her ranting.

"It'd just be nice, you know, if he would pick up after himself and the kids once in a while. I mean, I'm pregnant. Even if I wasn't, why am I always the one that has to wade through three feet of post-prank ectoplasm every other-"

_**KABOOM!**_

The entire Roadhouse rocked on its foundation, knocking pictures off the walls and rattling windows in their frames. Lydia, from years of practice, was barely shaken, though her already sour expression darkened further. From the silence on the other side of the phone, Lydia gathered that Ginger was now wondering if she should jump over there to protect the other inhabitants of the house from the pregnant woman's undoubtable rage.

"Ging?"

"You'll call me later." The Spider-sapien finished for her from her side of the line. "Don't kill them sweetie."

"Hnn."

Lydia clicked the talk button, disconnecting them and raised her mug to her lips calmly, taking a small sip of her tea as she set the phone down.

She smacked her lips and sighed contentedly before the metaphorical storm cloud above her darkened at the same time her expression did. "BETELGEUSE!" Her shout was nearly as loud as the explosion, and she heard frantic sounds of alarm coming from the kitchen. One hand rested beneath her belly, cradling the little ball of energy inside as she stormed down the hall. She smacked a palm against the ancient wood, throwing the door open hard enough for it to bounce off the wall. "WHAT THE HELL WAS TH-"

Lydia froze, her eyes wide as she took in the… disaster before her. Glitter and what looked like some sort of red batter, or really thick, pale blood covered just about every surface possible. There were fresh scorch marks on the floor, wall, counters and cabinets surrounding the new stove, which was now blown practically to bits and still smoking. Her eyes were practically bugging out of their sockets as her gaze finally fell on the three terrified figures cowering by where their table had once sat.

She couldn't even formulate the words she wanted to yell at them, and the family entered into a tense stare-down, with Lydia clearly winning.

Spieder and Krickette were covered from head to foot in the mixture of glitter and batter, with globs of glue and glitter covering the marker ink on their hands. Her daughter's beautiful curls stood straight up and were thick with what looked like more glue, while Spieder's face was covered with yet more glitter and the end of his nose smudged with soot from the explosion.

Then there was Betelgeuse, his wide, emerald eyes regarding his heavily pregnant wife with dread. He was clad only in his pajama bottoms and a few rags, most of his shirt having been burned away. He turned slowly to face the fuming woman before him, his hands held before him in a defensive position as he backed towards the children. "Now… Babes. Remember what the Doc said? You're supposed to keep cal-"

"What." She grit out quietly, causing the kids to squeak and duck behind their father as he flinched. "Happened."

Betelgeuse chuckled weakly and dove towards the remains of the counter, lifting the tray sitting there and holding it out hopefully towards the frightening creature that his wife currently was. The tray held a plate piled high with what looked like lumps of coal and a glass with about a quarter of an inch of pulpy orange juice. There was a bundle of flowers in a soot-covered vase that were variously beheaded, burnt to a crisp, or drooping over the rim of the glass. In the center of the tray was a monstrosity of a paper heart, drenched in glue and shedding glitter. "Happy Valentine's day Babes!" He blurted, his voice a terrified high-pitched warble.

"I did the glitter and Annie did the markers, mommy!" Spieder announced proudly, taking his mother's silence as a good thing.

Emboldened by her brother's sudden eagerness, Krickette jumped up and down, clapping her hands together as excited little children did as she beamed proudly up at her mother. "I helped daddy make the choco-ant-chip pancakes!"

Spieder jumped up and down to, raising his hand excitedly like he learned to in school when he wanted to talk. "And I made the orange juice!"

Lydia's eye nearly twitched as she noticed the mounds of orange peels and puddles of juice all over her floors.

Betelgeuse faltered; lowering the tray, he nervously sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. "L… Lyds? Babes? Y… you… aren't… aren't you gonna yell?" His voice was small and his shoulders began to hunch in fright.

Lydia took a deep breath. "You… destroyed the kitchen…" Her voice was low, and deadly quiet.

Betelgeuse flinched at the same time the kids did, all three cowering against the inevitable tirade that was about to befall them.

"Awww." Betelgeuse lifted his head back up to see Lydia clasping her hands against her chest, those big doe eyes watery as she carefully made her way towards him. "You guys are so sweet!"

Betelgeuse let out a heavy, relieved sigh as his shoulders slumped with that same relief while the kids cheered and clapped their hands. "Yeah well… it's Valentine's day, Babes. Will you be mine?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

Lydia chuckled and ducked under the tray and her husband's arms to wrap her own around his waist. "Only if you'll be mine." She stood on the tips of her toes to kiss the end of his nose. When she'd settled back down onto her heels, she fixed him with a serious, dead-eyed expression. "I'm not cleaning this up."

Betel let out a weak laugh and lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. "Heh… I know. Sorry. The batter melted the pan, then the sto-"

She lifted a finger to his lips, silencing him. "You know… I really don't want to know, love."

Betel chuckled again and hugged her tightly as the kids began wiping their glue-covered hands on each other's shoulders. "Love ya lots Lyds."

"Mmm. And as much as I love you:-" she stood on her tiptoes again to kiss the corner of his lips. "There's no possible way I'm going to be able to eat those pancakes."

Betelgeuse just let out a choked sort of laugh and hugged her tighter.


	7. All is well

**Ohmygawd, who's that? Is... is that? It is!**

**It's TFP with another Betelgeuse fic!**

**So if you haven't read my series, DO NOT READ THIS FIC. This takes place about a week after the final battle. The Neitherworldians are still cleaning up both worlds, and Lydia is still recovering.**

**Please enjoy, and leave me a review!**

* * *

"They look like you… except… tiny and… squishy… -er."

Lydia chuckled weakly, tracing the shell of Spieder's ear as he nursed. Krickette gurgled happily as she lay next to Lydia, wriggling in the swaddling blanket Ma Geuse had wrapped around her before she'd gone to talk to Gnat. "I think they're going to have your ears though. Too pointy to be mine."

Betelgeuse hovered, literally, at her bedside. He was sitting cross-legged in mid-air, his hands on his knees, leaning towards his wife as she nursed his son.

It was still so strange… His son… his daughter. Even his wife…

It wasn't just Lydia that was still torn up from the battle. Ghosts that had been absorbed were still popping up all over the remains of the Neitherworld. Sandworms were still running rampant in some parts of the kingdom. Patrols were being sent out to wipe the memories of Breathers that had witnessed Tobias's rampage and repair the holes that Tobias and Ahriman had torn in the wall between the two worlds.

And angry, raw-red patch of skin was still visible on her chest from where Betel had pumped her full of his juice to force her heart to continue working…

The Roadhouse was still in ruins. Most of that street, for that matter, was.

Bee and Gnat had put them up. Lydia was so fragile at the moment, Juno, Vince, and Betel worried that a trip between dimensions would only make it worse. There were the babies to consider as well…

They seemed perfectly fine, much to everyone's collective relief.

Spieder fussed at her breast, and with a tired sigh, Lydia pulled him away just enough to lower her shirt before snuggling the infant back against her chest. "Have they found those 'gods' yet?" She asked.

Betelgeuse shook his head as he drifted a little to the side, staring intently down at his daughter as she fussed and waved her tiny, sock-covered fists. "I wasn't absorbin'em, Lyds. I don' think they'll be comin' back."

Lydia watched him shift his gaze to Spieder. It had been nearly a week since everything had happened. A week since the twins had been born. "Beej?"

The poltergeist shifted closer, his expression switching rapidly from curious to concern. "What? Something wrong? Are you in pain? A-"

"Beej-" She lifted an exhausted hand and gripped his knee. "I'm alright. I was just going to say: Have you even held them yet?" Her free hand drifted down to let Krickette grab onto her fingers. "I haven't seen you even try to touch them."

Betelgeuse visibly tensed, and to Lydia's amazement, he began to drift backwards. "I uh…" He scratched the back of his neck as he uncrossed his legs, and when his feet touched the ground, he started walking backwards. "I don't… think that's a good idea. I mean…" He saw Lydia's confused, heartbroken expression and his hands shot up before him defensively. "It ain't… that I don't wanna… But… what if… what if they don't like me? Or…" He grimaced. "Or they're… afraid of me?"

He felt a mixture of annoyance and relief as she let out a weak laugh. "Beej, c'mere." She pulled her hand from Krickette and held it out to him. "They're your babies too."

Betel hesitated for a moment before he made his way back to the bedside. Lydia grabbed his wrist and pulled him down onto the side of mattress. "Here, hold your arms like this-" She showed him where to put his arms before she lifted Spieder and lowered the infant into the striped cradle.

"Woah… woah wai-" Betelgeuse recoiled slightly as the newborn settled against his chest. He shifted anxiously, his entire body tensed as his son fussed at him from the position change before settling once more. Lydia watched as his face cracked into a wide grin. "Hey… he ain't cryin' or nothin'!" He whispered.

Lydia chuckled. "Of course not. Beej, you fed them your juice while I was in the hospital, and kept them safe when we were all inside… that thing. At the very least, they recognize your… power. Like a dog would recognize a scent."

That seemed to put some of his worries at ease. He relaxed back against the headboard with his wife, and after she'd picked up Krickette, he kicked his legs up and stretched out beside them with Spieder resting comfortably against his chest. "This… this is… nice…" he murmured, smiling sideways at his girls.

Lydia shifted so she could rest her head against the ghost's shoulder. "Can you tell me something, Beej?"

"Shoot Babes."

Lydia chewed her lip nervously. Was this taboo territory between them? It was hard to tell…

"Did you… ever think about having kids with, Laufeia? I know... you used to think they'd have been a misfortune. But did you ever... at all?"

Betel tensed again. He let Spieder latch onto his finger like Krickette had done to Lydia and tickled the baby's nose. He didn't want to hurt Lydia. Would he, if he talked about his first soul mate? He glanced sideways at her again. "I… I mean, it's kinda hard ta remember all that. I'd almost forgotten about her until… the other day…" His face screwed up in concentration and he turned his head away to glare at the wall. Lydia snuggled closer, letting her own eyes drift closed. "I… maybe I mentioned it to her. Early on. When it was just… ya know… a mutual crush o'sorts and fuckin' each other's brains out. I told her she was pretty'n'all… but I wasn' takin' care o'any brats. She told me not to worry cause…" He rubbed the back of his son's hand with the pad of his thumb, staring down at the little bundle, lost in thought. "Well… she was barren. Back then, it weren't too uncommon… cuz'o the plague an' all. But she got sick when she was a kid herself. Messed up her insides. She'd had enough o'raisin' her siblin's anyway. So we didn' worry 'bout it."

Lydia rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. "Mmm. Would you have had kids with her, later on? You were going to marry her."

He tried to gauge her tone, worried that she was upset somehow. But she just sounded… curious.

"I dunno… Back then… prob'ly not. I was too busy gettin' inta trouble, connin' people outta everythin' but their moldiest socks."

She laughed at that, her eyelids growing too heavy to even try to open. "Beej?" She murmured after a moment.

"Yeah Lyds?"

"You're going to be a great father. Stop worrying."

Betel stared down at her, shocked, as her breathing slowed. He cautiously extracted one arm from under his son, and, after some careful maneuvering, lifted Krickette off her mother and into his arms. Lydia sighed contentedly and slid further down into the pillows, her cheek against his elbow as he held his children.

It was so… surreal.

They gurgled and cooed, fussed and wriggled in his arms as they kicked their tiny feet. Spieder was nuzzled into the crook of his right elbow, gumming on his socked hand and making happy baby sounds. Krickette pushed her feet against her father's chest, one hand curled tightly in his jacket as she babbled back to her brother. They looked so beautiful… so much like their mother…

He looked sideways at her again. Just two weeks ago he'd watched as her heart was ripped from her chest. Just a week ago she'd nearly died again… Her color was finally coming back. The rings under her eyes weren't as dark anymore. Her hair was thickening again and her eyes weren't as dull.

The twins already had dark curls growing off their scalps, and every once in a while, when they opened their eyes, they were the same rich, chocolate brown Lydia's normally were. They had a tint to their skin that was closer to his than hers, but Juno predicted that they would grow out of that.

They were such… tiny… vulnerable little things. All three of them.

He held them closer to his chest. "I'm sorry you two." He murmured. "I nearly lost ya and yer mother. I let those freaks take ya three from me." He pulled his legs closer, crossing them again beneath the infants. Lydia stirred beside him but didn't wake, and when she settled again, he continued. "I… ain't dad material. Hell… I ain't material good'nuff for any'o ya, really. I messed up a lot. I was supposed ta protect yer mommy… look how well that turned out. Then I was… supposed ta protect you two and…" He sighed heavily.

What was he doing? Talking to infants. Maybe he was going insane. "But… Tobias is gone. Those freaks'r gone too. Plus, ya got that worm Nick. And already, all o'the Neitherworld seems ta love ya munchkins… So… ya _should _be safe. And I learned from my mistakes." He paused again, shifting his arm as Krickette squirmed and whined. "I ain't gonna make any promises 'bout bein' the world's best dad, but I'm gonna try. I'm gonna do whatever it takes ta keep you three safe. And I ain't gonna let anyone, or thing, get their grimy claws in ya. Ever again."

On the last syllable, Krickette opened her eyes, and stared up at her father.

The poltergeist felt his non-existent breath hitch in his chest. Around the warm, chocolate-y brown irises was a thin band of emerald. The only sounds in the room were Spieder's happy babbling and Lydia's slow breathing. Father and daughter remained locked in an intense stare-down.

Very slowly, Krickette stretched her tiny, chubby arms high above her head and let out a huge yawn. With one last glance up at Betelgeuse, she closed her eyes and snuggled more comfortably against his chest.

* * *

Bee Geuse made her way up the stairs, the tea tray balanced carefully in her hands. Her daughter-in-law didn't have much of an appetite lately, which was understandable. But that poor creature was already so tragically thin... all the stress of the past few months had given the girl a rather unhealthy look.

She turned and backed into the door, pushing it open with her hip. "Thought you could use some tea and a little snack, sweetie-"

Lydia was on her back, on the far side of the bed with one hand resting on top of her stomach. Betelgeuse lay on his side, one arm curled under his head, the other draped across the twins. Spieder and Krickette were nestled between them, curled towards their parents. Even as she watched, her son huffed in his sleep, and woke up just enough to lift his hand and interlace his fingers with Lydia's before he slipped back into unconsciousness.

Gnat came up behind his wife in the doorway. He lay a heavy hand on her shoulder, and together, they smiled in on the scene.

The worlds were still in shambles, but here, all was well.

* * *

**A note: Fuck this ending.**

**Geezus. Took me like ten tries to write.**

**Anyway.**

**Another note: yes, Krickette is staring her father down. I was going to touch on this fact in the sequel, but as that may never happen, I'll just explain it (vaguely) here.**

**Kioll, Krickette, Spieder, and Afid are all born vastly intelligent. I don't mean like, book smarts. Like math and stuff. I mean they are more... conscious than normal newborns. They simply know things. It's like their instincts are in hyper-drive. Krickette, who is far more powerful than her brothers, can sense her father is somewhat afraid of her and her brother. Since she can't communicate with words, she's using the staring contest and the eventual cuddling to assure him that she trusts him and to soothe his worries. This strange bond between them is probably part of what leads to her being such a daddy's girl.**


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